I recently received an email from an social anxiety sufferer who was making progress using the EasyCalm Series, but was still struggling a bit to “let go” and overcome the control issues that are always present with anxiety(especially social anxiety).  To protect the writer’s privacy, I will call her “Meg” for the purposes of this post. I have included my response to Meg’s question below, because it may be useful to others who are just starting out with EasyCalm.

If you haven’t tried the EasyCalm method yet, a few parts of this reply may seem a bit confusing, but I think there are also points that can help anyone, regardless of how far along they are in overcoming their anxiety (social anxiety or otherwise), or which method they choose to use.

Below is my original reply to “Meg’s” question about struggling to overcome social anxiety:

Dear “Meg,”

The most important point in using the EasyCalm series is to start really small–do NOT expect too much of yourself at first. I am serious about this–you can start as small as you want–it really doesn’t matter as long as you follow the method. Setting small goals like just being in the presence of strangers for 30 secs or a minute is absolutely fine; you can always build up from there.

If you are getting exhausted or feel like you are struggling, you are no doubt setting your goals too large–too soon. This is one of the worst things you can do because it will re-confirm the old negative patterns and social fears you already have. It is far better to start extremely small and build up a pattern of success that you can continue to build upon. They say “success breeds more success, and failure only breeds more failure.” This is especially true with issues like “control” and social anxiety.

A tool I have often used with coaching clients is a simple logic statement that goes like this:

“The more you__________, the more you WILL ___________. “ Whatever action you place in the first blank always goes in the second blank as well.

Some examples:

“The more you worry, the more you WILL worry.” (because it becomes your habitual way of reacting)
“The more you fail, the more you WILL fail.”

“The more you feel good, the more you WILL feel good.”

“The more you let go and relax, the more you WILL let go and relax.”

This tool sounds incredibly simple, and because of this, it may seem difficult to take seriously at first. However, if you will keep this logic statement in mind as you go through your day, it will keep you mentally on the right path, and you can concentrate on building ”patterns of success,” no matter how small. And of course, “The more you succeed (at anything), the more you WILL succeed.”

One more simple tip for social anxiety: try “loaded question” affirmations before you go into a stressful situation. Using an affirmation like “I feel calm around people,” doesn’t work for many people, because the mind rejects the statement outright. But if you calmly and repetitively ask yourself questions like, “Why am I always so calm around people?” — “what makes me so relaxed with people?” and then really allow your mind to search for answers to this question, it bypasses the critical, skeptical part of the mind and is more easily accepted.

One of my clients had great success asking “What makes me such a calm, laid-back person?” and  “Why do people love me so much?” and then meditating on the possible answers to these questions. Repeating these questions slowly and calmly for 5-10 minutes before a social situation produced very noticeable positive changes. I highly recommend it for anyone dealing with social anxiety. It can be more effective than you might think!

Wishing you all the very best,
Jon

Jon Mercer, MA
Personal Development Coach
http://www.easycalm.com/
http://www.easycalm.com/social.htm
http://www.cafepress.com/socialskills.81169853
Managing Director, Youniverse LLC

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Anxiety attack symptoms come in many different “flavors.” Some people experience shortness of breath. Others have “pins and needles” type sensations in their arms or legs. Still others have chest pains, obsessive yawning or an upset stomach. Symptoms of anxiety attacks can take on many different forms, but they all have something in common: they represent an imbalance in lifestyle and personal habits.

 The fact is, anxiety attacks are not a “condition” exactly. Anxiety (and the many different anxiety attack symptoms that they produce) is a clear signal that our lives have gotten out of balance. I’m not talking about some new age type of “balance,” but rather, that plain old common-sense type of balance that keeps us healthy and in good spirits.

For example, if you begin eating a diet of sugary sweets on a daily basis, this habit will have very real physical affects on your body, and you will soon notice “symptoms” like weight gain, poor complexion, trouble sleeping, etc. In the same way, if your develop unhealthy “thinking habits,” you may begin to notice anxiety attack symptoms like those mentioned above.

We all know that practicing healthy eating habits is important in order to stay healthy, but many times we forget that practicing healthy  thinking habits is just as important to stay emotionally healthy. When we fill our mind with “toxins” like worry, drama, and conflict, we are simply inviting anxiety attack symptoms to flare up.

Watch the free NO-anxiety video at EasyCalm.com

And while it is true that some degree of worry, drama and conflict is inherently a part of life, the truth is, most of us add additional (and unnecessary) stress in our lives by watching high-drama fueled television shows, reading depressing books, and even by listening to deafest and dis-empowering music.

Right about now, you may be thinking, “yeah but Jon, everyone watches those TV shows and reads those books and listens to that music. How bad can it be when everyone I know is doing it, and most of them seem to be getting along just fine?”

To this question, I would have to answer, “there’s a very good chance most of them aren’t getting along just fine.” Anxiety attack symptoms are something very few people are willing to talk about openly–even to close friends and family. I cannot count the number of people who have emailed me about anxiety symptoms who admitted they have never told another living soul about the problem.

The “official” statistics indicate that anxiety attacks are a HUGE public health issue; nearly an epidemic. But the “official” statistics only tell a small part of the story. With so many people hiding their anxiety from the world, we may never know the true numbers or what percentage of society actually suffers with anxiety attacks. Some experts speculate that it is well above 50%! Think about that for a moment…

Anxiety attack symptoms are often confusing and misdiagnosed. And the fact that so many people hide them only make the problem worse, and cause suffers to feel alone, isolated, “weird” or inferior. And it is all so unnecessary.

Anxiety attacks can be lessened and overcome altogether by following a straight-forward plan of gradually changing your daily thinking habits. It is not an overnight solution (it can take a few weeks or even a month to see good results), but it is the ONLY way I personally have found to make lasting change and overcome this nonsense once and for all. The EasyCalm Series explains all these points in great detail, but for now I want to leave you with 3 simple “lifestyle” tips that will help lesson the frequency and severity of anxiety attacks symptoms:

1. Turn off the TV, or at least the high-drama and conflict shows (yes, I know they are exciting, but they are NOT good for your state of mind).

2. DO NOT (under any circumstances) watch the news or read a newspaper every day. Once a week is enough to stay informed, and even then, DO NOT get bogged down with horrible or depressing stories.

3. Practice gratitude as a way of life. Make it a point to think about what you are grateful for every day. This trains your mind to work in a different way, to focus on what you want, NOT what you don’t want (like anxiety attacks). The effects of this simple practice are accumulative, and can change your life significanly for the better. If you’re skeptical, that’s fine. Just try it for 3 weeks and then email me and tell me if your life got better or worse as a result (I already know the answer to that one).

Take Care!
Jon

Jon Mercer
Personal Development Coach
www.easycalm.com

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My good friend in the UK, Stuart Morris,  performed an interesting experiment to demonstrate the power of our intentions and state of mind using two jars of plain white rice. The concept may sound a bit out-there, but the results he achieved are amazing. Check it out for yourself on Stuarts website:

http://push-pictures.com/clients/www.wonderfullyrelaxed.com/www/jars.asp

I also recommend you take a look at “The Gift,” a beautiful theraputic Video/CD Rom created by Stuart, who is a practicing Holistic Therapist in the Birmingham, England area. You can also listen for free to a sample from the CD Rom on his site. Stuart sent me a copy a while back and I have to say, it is remarkable. Find out more about ”The Gift” at this address:

http://push-pictures.com/clients/www.wonderfullyrelaxed.com/www/jars.asp

Until next time, be well. And remember that our thoughts and intentions DO have power. The power to cause anxiety and other troubles, or the power to heal and comfort. Guard your thoughts carefully

Wishing you peace,
Jon
www.easycalm.com

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It’s the “new thing” in the world of anxiety, and it’s hitting hard; it’s called “eco-anxiety” or “enviro-angst.” According to Medill Reports at Northwestern University, a growing number of people are turning their lives around to become more environmentally conscious because they are experiencing extreme anxiety about the condition of our planet.

These people sometimes worry about the environment to the point where they have a hard time throwing anything out; they worry about the toxins around them; the world’s water supplies or the emissions from their car. Some worry so much that they go to extreme measures to try to avoid hurting the environment.

Caring about the environment is not a bad thing, and there are a lot of different measures that we all need to implement in order to do our part in keeping the planet in good shape. Excessive worrying and anxiety related to the environment however, is not the same as caring. “Eco-anxiety,” like most other kinds of anxiety is not really about what you might be afraid of. Eco-anxiety is about control, or more specifically lack thereof.

Worrying about something that is outside of your control and thinking that your life is in danger are both classic anxiety symptoms. Just as a lot of people are afraid of someone breaking into their house to hurt them because they hear about this kind of stuff on the news all the time, people are now afraid because they keep hearing more and more about the severe state the environment is in.

I’m not saying the planet is not going through a rough time at the moment, but as more people wake up to what is going on, the trend is gradually turning. There are a lot of things we can all do to help the environment, and we have a responsibility to do them. It is important to keep yourself informed on what you can do to make a difference, but worrying is not one of them.

Rather than watching the new and focusing on what is wrong about the situation, focus on all the little things you can do in your everyday life to help. I you suffer from “eco-anxiety”, chances are it’s not the first time you have experienced anxiety but rather that you just transferred your anxiety from something else you used to worry about. Remember that at the end of the day, you are not helping the environment by feeling anxious. Being informed helps; being scared doesn’t.

JM
www.easycalm.com

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Have you ever watched the news and found yourself terrified of some new, hidden health threat or similar that could possibly be the end of you? I know I have. It seems that almost every day there’s a new threat out there; it’s often something hidden in your food or your genes, or our neighborhood, and it it’s almost always lethal. But wait…then the commercial break comes on, and there it is; the pill or shot or company that will make it all better. 

 Shannon Brownlee, author of the book “Overtreated: Why Too Much Medicine Is Making Us Sicker and Poorer”, calls the medical and pharmaceutical companies “The anxiety industry.” She talks about how these industries in combination with the media is constantly telling us to keep a lookout for illnesses and how this is causing real anxiety and possibly a lot of unnecessary medical costs.   

Why are we so obsessed with illness and death? And why are the people that are supposed to look after our health seemingly more concerned with prescribing expensive tests and medications than they are with inexpensive prevention and taking care of our overall health? No wonder we are scared; everywhere we look we are told to be careful and to take caution.  

The primary commodity of the news media is fear; George Gerbner, one of our time’s most important media researches put it this way:  

“People think of television as programs, but television is more than that; television is a mythology - highly organically connected, repeated every day so that the themes that run through all programming and news have the effect of cultivating conceptions of reality.[…] The programming reinforces the worst fears and apprehensions and paranoia of people.” 

Is it possible that the extremely high levels of anxiety we are collectively experiencing as a society has to do with what we are watching? Lewis Lapham, correspondent for Harper’s Magazine said this about it:

“First they give you the vision of hell, which is what scares the person, the audience and the viewer. This is what sets up the good news, which is the advertising, which is the way the game is played. So the idea that the media as a whole does bad news is just not true at all. It’s part of the pitch. It’s the freak show in order to sell the snow cones.” 

The next time you are watching TV, try to pay attention to the absurdity of it all; commercials tell us to ask our doctor about asthma medicines that could help us…or lead to an increased risk of asthma related death. A morning show will tell you how important it is for your health to eat lots of fruit and vegetables, and then the evening new will tell you to tune in at seven to “See what’s in your fruit and veg that could possibly kill you…”                                                                               

Instead of focusing on all the things that could possibly kill you, put your attention to what is actually hurting your life and causing you anxiety: your television.  Tonight, try turning off the evening news and going for a walk instead; you might find that your neighborhood isn’t so bad after all. 

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There is a book out by Bob Rosen called “Just Enough Anxiety: The Hidden Driver of Business Success.”  This is a book about business and different kinds of leadership, but reading about it made me think about the concept of “just enough anxiety” in everyday life. According to an article in the Chicago Tribune online edition, the author claims that anxiety leads to change, and that change is good. He thinks a leader should not lead by fear, or be controlling or anxious, but that “A leader who inspires through anxiety, on the other hand, sets bold targets to push employees to change, communicates honestly and is comfortable with ongoing conflict and turbulence.” 

Can we really be inspired by anxiety? Could it be that anxiety can have a positive effect on our lives? Maybe there is something to the idea that if we are too comfortable, we don’t act and make necessary changes in our lives. Obviously we are not talking about life limiting panic attacks or anxiety disorders here, but maybe some of the everyday anxiety that we feel about our lives, relationships and the future actually brings about something positive?  If I’m completely honest with myself, I have to admit that there are things I have done in life primarily because I was more scared of what would happen if I didn’t act. Think about situations like job interviews. As scary as they can be, we still go through with them because we are more afraid of staying in a job we don’t like, or not having a job at all. We ask people out, and go on first dates, even though most people will admit that they are terrified of  the idea of having to start a relationship from scratch again. Why do we do it?

Maybe we are more afraid of being alone? I’m not trying to make anxiety sound like the best thing that ever happened to you, but I do believe it is important to look for the positive and to recognize that maybe there have been times where having a little bit of anxiety has helped you produce something good in your life.  Maybe it is important to not lump all anxious feelings in together and label them as a disorder. If you think about it, are there not situations where a little bit of anxiety has helped you take positive action? I know it has for me.Elisabeth Ramsberg Larsen
www.easycalm.com

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According to a newly released Canadian  study, reports that a lot of people experience a form of anxiety when they are not “connected” by the means of a wireless device like a cell phone or a laptop. As many as 59% say they experience some anxiety when disconnected and 26% report “significantly elevated levels of anxiety”. In addition, a CTV.ca article explains that another new phenomenon is people feeling their cell phones or blackberries vibrating in their pockets—when it’s not there.

EasyCalm — The Stop Anxiety Series!

Although it can be easy to laugh at the idea of being so addicted to you cell phone that you get stressed when you are without it, I think it’s important to pay attention to what is going on. If we are so afraid of not being able to be reached or reach people that we actually experience anxiety from it, is it not time to change out habits? What is it that is causing this new type of anxiety? Are we afraid of missing out or falling behind?  Has the rat race finally run us over?

I have definitely experienced some stress because I couldn’t get hold of someone or because my phone was shutting down on me. I check my email several times a day, even when I’m not working, and I can get really angry if my internet connection crashes. I even have to admit that I sometimes feel my phone vibrating when it’s not.

I have yet to experience bad anxiety when I’m not connected, but then again I’m pretty much always connected somehow—I even use my cell phone as my alarm clock. This new report has made me re-think how I’m using technology; I love new technology and I wish to continue using it, but I don’t want it to run my life.

EasyCalm — The Stop Anxiety Series!

From now on I will try to turn my computer off when I finish working, and enjoy some disconnected time every day. I even think I might go out and buy a good old fashioned alarm clock: the kind that only rings when I tell it to.

Test: are you at risk to experience disconnect anxiety? : http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=365555

Sources:

http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20080310/disconnect_anxiety_080310/20080310?hub=World

http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20071010/phone_vibrations_071010?s_name=&no_ads=

Discover the EasyCalm Anxiety Video Series!

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According to medicalnewstoday.com, surveys show that in the UK, 1 out of 5 people report that they are already stressed before they have their breakfast, and stress is responsible for 6 million sick days a year. In addition, over half of the population has problems sleeping because they can’t stop thinking about work.

In the US, a 2001 study showed that a whopping 80% of Americans feel stressed at work, with 25% reporting that they felt like screaming or shouting (!) and over half saying that they need help in learning to manage their stress. The number of people absent from work because of stress tripled from 1996 to 2000.

In the UK, the Relaxation for Living Institute is working with the National Health Service (NHS) to offer people classes to educate them on how to deal with stress and anxiety. The program is a result of more and more doctors looking for new and better ways to help their patients with stress and anxiety.

So, we know that a lot of people are stressed at work, but that’s just life, right? Well, is it? Most of us spend the majority of our waking hours at work. In addition, it seems we also spend time out side of work worrying about it. Is this really acceptable? If your friend came to you and told you their relationship made them feel so stressed they had problems sleeping, wouldn’t you tell them they needed to change something about their relationship? Obviously, it’s not easy to just quit the job that pays the bills, but if you are one of the millions of people whose life and relationships are suffering because of work related stress, it’s time you address the situation.

J. Mercer Director: www.easycalm.com

Natural Anxiety Treatment

Resources:
http://www.stress.org/job.htm
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/97732.php
http://www.nhs.uk/magazines/workplacehealth/Pages/Workplacehealth.aspx

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I read a few interesting articles this week about the connection between vigorous exercise (or lack thereof) and anxiety attacks. I won’t post a full blown “article” on the subject; I simply wanted to gently remind anyone dealing with frequent anxiety attacks that physical exercise (even walking) is still one of the best ways to reclaim your natural calm and sense of well-being.

Did you notice that I used the word ‘natural” in that last paragraph? Think about it; is it possible for anxiety to be the “natural” state of any living thing (including me and you)? Of course not–your natural state is calm. So reducing or eliminating anxiety issues can be as simple as reverting to your “natural” state. That’s where frequent exercise and motion come into the picture.

When we exercise — even moderately– our bodies tend to return to their natural (there’s that word again) state. And as you may have heard me say before, our mental processes and our physical processes are NOT two separate things. They are interconnected to the point of being virtually indistinguishable.

Keep in mind the importance of physical motion and exercise in reducing anxiety attacks. I can assure you that I personally feel much more relaxed and calm when I  am able to work out at least 2-3 times a week, and I try to get at least some physical exercise every day (OK, I take the day off on Sunday–so sue me

When you change what you are doing with your body, you also change what you are doing with your mind. Keeping the body vibrant and in motion returns us to our “base state,” which has nothing to do with anxiety attacks, and everything to do with feeling just fine…

Jon Mercer
Stop Anxiety Attacks

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A friend and co-worker recently had surgery, and even though the procedure went well, he suffered with severe anxiety before the surgery, and had a great deal of trouble overcoming the anxiety and worry that sometimes comes up in these situations.

Research has shown that stress and anxiety can be hard on our physical condition, and even slow the healing process after surgery. That’s why it is so important to overcome surgical anxiety–to nip it in the bud, before it becomes severe and begins to have a detrimental effect on your immune system.

People who have never had anxiety a day in their life can become worried and tense before surgery–so there is no need to assume that you have an “anxiety disorder” necessarily in these situations. Still, the way to overcome pre-op stress and anxiety is to use the exact same tools and resources designed for chronic anxiety problems. Breathing exercises and controlled relaxation techniques (many of which are available in The EasyCalm Anxiety program) are often recommended when experiencing anxiety before surgery.

The important point is to be PRO ACTIVE. Don’t wait until your anxiety becomes severe to take action. Began using anxiety-reduction techniques on a daily basis to “head off” the problem, before it becomes severe. And don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor about anxiety before surgery. It is a common problem, and your doctor may be able to offer specific advice to help you stay emotionally (as well as physically) healthy in the run up to your procedure.

Overcoming severe anxiety before surgery is not necessarily difficult. Relaxation exercises and de-stressing techniques can work wonders–just remember to be consistent and pro-active in your efforts.
JM

Jon Mercer, MA
Personal Development Coach
Anxiety Treatment
Managing Director, Youniverse LLC

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From time to time we all want to stop obsessive thoughts that race through our minds.  The rush of modern life can provide us with so much conflicting information that we simply develop “sensory overload.”

Although this sensory overload happens to all of us occasionally, it only becomes a serious issue when we feel we are unable to “turn it off.”  The following strategies have been proven to stop obsessive thoughts and quiet an anxious mind:

1.  Get Active: most people assume that when they feel stressed and are trying to control obsessive thoughts, the best thing to do is to try to deeply relax both body and mind.  And while this can help in certain situations, an even more effective response to an obsessive mind is to be as active as possible.

Even though it may seem counter-intuitive, being physically active is one of the best ways to stop obsessive thoughts.  A vigorous physical workout is one example of this, but anything that gets you moving your body and working your cardiovascular system can be useful — such as a vigorous walk around the block, or even yoga or stretching exercises.  Remember: when your mind is racing, move your body.

2. Get outside of your Box: human beings are creatures of habit, and we can easily fall into a routine that causes us to obsess or stress about everyday things.  Because of this, one strategy to stop obsessive thoughts is to remove yourself from your daily routine.

The idea is to simply go to a place that you would normally not visit, and do an activity you would normally not do.  For example, try bowling or playing minigolf, or another recreational activity that you would normally not be involved with.  You might also take a long drive in the country or visit friends you haven’t seen in ages. 

Basically, you want to do anything and everything that is outside of your day-to-day “box.”  Shake up your life a bit — if you want to “feel” different, you must “do” something different.  Make sense?

3.  Normally, when we are experiencing excessive thoughts there are one or two particular issues that are bothering us and feel somehow “unresolved.”  Identify the issues in your life that feel unresolved, and then schedule each unresolved issue to be dealt with at a specific time in the future.

For example, if you have an unresolved relationship issue that you are obsessing over, schedule a time next week to consider the issue, and see if it can be resolved then.  If not, schedule it for a later time and try again.  The key here is to be precise in your scheduling — set an exact time of day, but allow yourself only 15-20 minutes to consider each issue.

Studies have shown that if you can not resolve an issue in 15 minutes, your odds of resolving it in 30 minutes or more are statistically zero.  In other words, if a solution does not present itself to you in the first few minutes, the research shows that dwelling on the situation WILL NOT help. Remember, this isn’t just good advice — it is proven scientific research.

Try each of these strategies to stop obsessive thoughts, and you’ll quickly see which is most effective for you.

Jon Mercer

Stop Anxiety and Obsessive Thoughts
 

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A coaching client of mine e-mailed me recently and asked an unusual question.  He wanted to know if the principles discussed in the film “The Secret” were applicable to curing anxiety. 

I thought about this question for while, and although it might sound unusual in some ways, I believe that the concept of The Law of Attraction, which is discussed in the film, is very applicable to dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. 

I also don’t believe it is a coincidence that I first hit upon techniques to cure anxiety after reading a the works of Spinoza, Wallace Wattles, Emerson, and other writers who held beliefs very similar (or in some cases exactly the same) to the Law of Attraction (although they did not use that exact term).  Here’s why I think using “The Secret” is extremely beneficial for people with anxiety or panic attack issues: 

The Secret, or the Law of Attraction, holds that whatever it you give your focus and attention to on a regular basis is what you are actually attracting into your life.  We can see many common-sense examples of this all around us, and it explains the old proverb, “the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer,” because people are getting in life exactly what they are focusing the majority of their attention upon. 

So how does this “secret” apply to anxiety?  Think about it; if you give your attention and focus to things related to stress, anxiety, fear and unhappiness, what are you attracting into your life?  That’s right — you are attracting more of these things that you are focusing your attention upon. 

This is also a philosophy known as “assumed responsibility,” and this way of looking at the world, while sometimes difficult to adjust to at first, can improve many areas of your life, including anxiety problems.  When I first began practicing the philosophy of “assumed responsibility,” the first hurdle I had to cross was to accept that I (and I alone) was responsible for my anxiety. 

Up until that point, I had been blaming my anxiety problems on a troubled childhood, family weirdness, or even bad genes.  In fact, I blamed everything and everyone except myself.   But by refusing to accept responsibility for my anxiety I remained in a “victim mentality,” where I felt powerless. 

The moment I began accepting responsibility for the anxiety, and even the vicious panic attacks, the situation began to improve.  And it only got better from there 

So in this sense, I absolutely believe that the Law of Attraction or “The Secret” is beneficial to those who want to overcome their anxiety and move on with their life.  Because just like the Law of Attraction, the secret to curing anxiety is accepting full responsibility for it, and never assuming that you are a victim of genetics, a poor childhood, bad luck or any other misfortune. 

You are not a victim. The secret is that your anxiety is something you create and something you can stop.

JM

Jon Mercer
Personal Development Coach
http://www.easycalm.com/
http://www.easycalm.com/social.htm
http://www.cafepress.com/socialskills.81169853
Managing Director, Youniverse LLC

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First, I must apologize for letting an entire month go by without updating the blog here.  I have been very busy with clients and a few new projects, and the next thing I knew it was Thanksgiving holidays… you know how it goes. But I want to wish everyone a belated happy Thanksgiving and I hope everyone will have a wonderful, and peaceful, holiday season this year. 

Now, even as I write this, I am well aware that many people find the holiday season to be stressful, and anxiety sufferers will often see an increase in their symptoms or panic attacks during this time of year. But the holidays do not have to be “the most anxious time of the year.”  There are things you can do to minimize the amount of holiday (and family-related) stress this year. In this post I’ll mention three of the most useful tips for making it through the holidays without having a meltdown.