The Anxiety/Panic Attack Journal

I have developed quite a few self-help related programs over the years (A list of some of the most popular can be found here on JonMercer.net

But this blog is not all about me, me, me! (OK, sometimes it is–but I’m working on it. haha)  When I find other good self help programs I like to ’spread the love,’ and give credit where it is due.

So today I want to tell you about my friend Anthony St Augustine who, just like me, once suffered with TERRIBLE social anxiety. But honestly, it’s hard to believe that fact today — Anthony is incredibly social and easy-going, and you’d be hard-pressed to find even a trace of social anxiety in his personality these days.

That’s why, when Anthony asked me to check out his new “Social Dynamix” program, I was more than happy to do so. And in fact, I discovered that it is an impressive and versatile program for eliminating social anxiety. Anthony’s coaching is similar to my approach in some ways, but he has his own twist on it, and his own unique way of confronting and stopping social problems.

It also doesn’t hurt that he is a great guy. We’ve talked several times, and he’s always been extremely charming, knowledgeable and helpful. He definitely practices what he “preaches.”

Case in point: right now Anthony is giving away free social anxiety training videos and other resources just for signing up on his site.  Sign up and get his free training vids, and more info on the full Social Dynamix program here.

I wish Anthony the very best of luck with his new program–he’s an stand-up guy with a fresh approach to dealing with social phobia/ social anxiety, and he definitely deserves your attention.

~Jon

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Sometimes I wonder how many people with an alcohol problem are really just trying to mask a social anxiety problem? I have no data or percentages to give you, but I suspect the numbers are pretty high.

Probably all of us have known an alcoholic (or at least a  “problem” drinker) who  seemed very shy and awkward when they were sober. And it’s no big secret that many alcoholics drink in order to self-medicate some personal issue. I recently spoke to two recovering alcoholics who both told me they felt unable to cope with many social situations without a drink. And sadly,  it wasn’t the first time I’ve heard that remark.

Of course, the trouble is that people who drink to self-medicate an anxiety problem just trade one bad situation for another that is even worse.  Alcohol is sometimes called a “social lubricant,” and as such, it probably helps some people to evade the symptoms of social anxiety — in the very short term.

But in the long run, alcohol is no cure for social anxiety. You have to deal with the root causes to get some relief. The control issues that are behind most types of anxiety are also present in social anxiety. In my experience, the solution is the same.

The EasyCalm Series is the only anxiety method I am aware of to directly deal with these control issues, making anxiety much less likely to occur in the first place. If you haven’t watched the free introduction video for the series yet, check it out on the EasyCalm homepage.

And it’s 1000x better than risking becoming an alcoholic just to deal with normal social situations! =)

~Jon

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Social phobia (also known as social anxiety) is a deceptively prevalent problem in society, particularly in the more “developed” nations of North America and Western Europe. Interestingly, social phobia is less common in many so-called “developing” or “emerging” countries of the world, where there is often a greater emphasis on family and social interdependence, but significantly less emphasis on individualism and the pursuit of wealth.

Because I’ve been traveling a great deal recently, this discrepancy has caused me to wonder about the role culture plays in social phobia. For example, in the United States, individualism is a very strong part of the culture.  The archetype of the “lone cowboy” out on the range, completely self-sufficient and living life on his own terms, is a very pervasive theme in American culture. It is something deep in our collective psyche.

But in the Scandinavian countries of northern Europe, for example, the concept of the individual is considerably less emphasized in society.  Perhaps because they are stable socialist democracies, countries like Sweden and Norway place greater importance on social interdependence and cooperation. And although social phobia does exist in these countries, it is interesting to note that they tend to have significantly lower rates of this problem than either the US or the UK (to name two examples of more individual-focused countries).

All this suggests that society and culture are at least partially to blame for the high rate of social phobia in the West. On the surface, this would seem to make common sense.  After all, social phobia is a fear of “society,” and undeniably, certain societies in the world are easier to fear than others(!).

I want to be clear that I am NOT suggesting that social phobia isn’t an emotional problem that can affect individuals, no matter where they live. I’m simply pointing out that certain societies (and I’ll single out American society to make my point) contribute to the prevalence of social phobia by fostering cultural values which glorify the lone individual, and downplay the importance of the group and social interaction. 

The competitive, hyper-capitalist environment of many American cities encourage this “every person for themselves” attitude. Is it so surprising that our cities are breeding grounds for social phobia, social avoidance, and other anxiety issues?

You know the old saying: “it takes two to tango.”  And when it comes to social phobia, there are two distinct elements involved.  One is the phobia or fear on the part of the individual.  The other is the society that is feared. In my mind, both undoubtedly play a part in social phobia.

Politically and culturally, some societies appear to encourage fear more than others. Conversely, some societies encourage cooperation and connection more than others. My friend from South America has lived in the US nearly 4 years now.  When I asked her impression of America she had a lot of praise and admiration for the country.  But interestingly, she also pointed out, “there’s one thing I have noticed though — I have never seen as many lonely people as here in the United States. There is something in the culture that seems to discourage people from relying on each other and trusting each other.  That part of America makes me sad.”

We’ve all seen the kind of people she’s talking about: disconnected, frustrated, seeing themselves as separated from (and in some cases oblivious to) the culture around them. And these underlying feelings of alienation and competition run so deep in society that even those of us who don’t want to live that way are affected by them. Like it or not, the culture becomes a part of who we “are.”

I’m not ranting against the United States — far from it.  But I suppose I AM ranting against aspects of our shared culture, especially what I term “hyper-individualism,” or the political and cultural threads in society that discourage cooperation, compromise, interdependence, and trust. I believe these same threads are responsible for the high rate of social phobia in the US as well.

As the poet said, “No man is an island.” We are social creatures by design, and our culture should reflect this obvious truth. And yet, too often our politicians and cultural leaders seek to divide and conquer by playing on fear and mistrust. These attitudes filter down through society, encouraging paranoia, loneliness and even social phobia.

It’s not about being on the right or the left, or about conservative or liberal policies — it’s about recognizing the fundamental truth that we are NOT desperate, fear-based little creatures living alone in the world.  We are connected to and interdependent on those around us, and we thrive in the world by virtue of these connections with others.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the United States has the highest reported rate of social phobia in the world. Our culture has somehow managed to equate interdependence with “weakness,” while at the same time, discouraging compromise and cooperation — the pillar stones of any great culture.  Even those of us who don’t have social phobia can find ourselves pulling back from others more than we probably should sometimes.

When individuals develop social phobia and other anxiety problems, all of us suffer.  We become less productive as a society when all of our members aren’t living up to their potential.  Perhaps it’s time for a complete overhaul (or at least a re-think) of our cultural values.  For now, the best thing we can do as individuals is to make it a point to connect with people every day — and not just our family and friends.  If we want our culture to be more social, WE have to be the change we want to see, and be willing to reach out to people and show a little trust.

Social phobia may not completely disappear in societies that show more cooperation and interdependence, but research shows that it is dramatically diminished. Let us each do our part to help stamp out the isolationist “lone wolf” culture that allows social phobia to flourish. We’ll also be making the US a friendlier and more “connected” place to live, which can only be a good thing…right?

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